The Spirit

I believe in God, the Father Almighty,

      maker of heaven and earth,

      and in Jesus Christ, His only Son, our Lord:

Who was conceived by the Holy Spirit,

      born of the Virgin Mary,

      suffered under Pontius Pilate,

      was crucified, died, and was buried: He descended into hell.

The third day He arose again from the dead.

He ascended into heaven,

      and is seated at the right hand of God the Father almighty.

From there He will come to judge the living and the dead.

I believe in the Holy Spirit,

      the holy catholic* church,

      the communion of saints,

      the forgiveness of sins,

      the resurrection of the body,

      and the life everlasting.

Amen

Have you ever had a moment when something takes ahold of your soul? Its as if a hand, invisible yet strong, has reached within you to pull at the very base of who you are. This happens to me from time to time. Sometimes I know the cause, a death, the struggles of a friend, or even just the weight of the worlds sin. But there are other times, when I am not sure of the reason. I like to think this is the Spirit, dragging me by the very strings of me heart, calling my being to prayer. Perhaps this is strange thinking of a physical push from the Spirit. Yet I am certain of times in my life where the Spirit has pushed me or guided me. 

My junior year I had the chance to study acting in Ireland at the Gaiety School of Acting for a month. Patrick Sutton, the Schools Director, asked us a question very early in our time studying with him. "Where is your soul?" Some of the class pointed to our heads and some our hearts. Patrick shook his head and pointed to his stomach. "This is your center, the center of your being." he said.

It is strange but I still think of my soul as the center of my being, resting next to my ever hungry stomach. My head is where my mind and thought rest. It is the place that my reason sometimes takes me on dangerous paths. My heart is where my emotions rest and often, to often, are the dragged around. But my stomach is the center balance wise. Its also where I feed the bases part of my physical nature (the need to eat). The Spirit speaks not just to my head and my heart, but also to that center. 

I often wonder what it would be like to invite God into the very center of my being. Not just into my intelligence or into my emotions, but into the deepest part of me. The Spirit of God comes in like a rush of fire on Pentecost. It is the power of Christ, living in us poor flesh here below. When we speak of being born again, we mean that we are being born in the Spirit (John 3:6-8), that we are no longer just flesh and blood, but Children of God as well. That we have invited God to live within us. 

C.S. Lewis in his Space Trilogy, writes about Eldil, beings made of light. The Eldil can come to a planet but they are really beings who belong to space. Thus they are not bound by gravity. They look to be off kilter to those who's center is a world, because they're center is something else (God). When I think about inviting the Spirit into the center of my being, I am talking about asking God to be my center of gravity. I'm asking God to be the thing that drives me, rather then the needs of my flesh, my emotional heart, or my mind. This doesn't mean that I will no longer eat or cry or think. Rather all I do will be alined to God's will. My life path becomes diverted to his. 

I believe in the Spirit, because he is what realigns me towards God. This is the part of God that gets inside of me and guides me. And hopefully, with the Spirit's help, will ever draw me towards the face of God. 

Fighting Curled Up in My Bed

Again I take a break to think through somethings that I have been dealing with lately. It is one thing to state belief, another to seek relief and help. I have struggled between speaking the truth of my faith and the realization that I am riddled with sin. 

Zephaniah 3:17

"The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."

Romans 8:13-14

"For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live. Because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God."

I realize that I'm playing a dangerous game. Its one that I play often. I seek comfort of sheets and blankets and climb within my mind. My mind is a dangerous treacherous place filled with dragons and slimy slithering things. I have found within myself a strange lusting creature. She seeks the breath of passion and the kiss of hope. I build fantasies in which I take part, dreaming my wishes and leaving the reality of life behind. It is a struggle to leave this place once I have ventured within. Dragons are dangerous creatures who's wisdom is matched with malice. The slimy slithering things grab hold of me and drag me deeper within myself.

On Sunday, the sermon was on the Romans 8 passage. I was struck, more like pierced, by the realization of the depth of the sin with which I have tarried. I find that I have needed to seek the Spirit's help to keep myself clear of that easy to enter place. My creative mind beacons, offering what it has gathered within its dark expanse. The problem is that my creativity is not free of the dark depth of my sin. I create in the hope for glory. I create in the hope of escape. I create so I can be outside of myself. The problem is that my creative sin has spilled over into my reality. See if you release the dragon, it rains down destruction on everything and nothing is free of its seeking fire.

So I have found that I need to die to this part of myself. And it is a daily dying. I do not wish to live by the dark wishes of my flesh's nature. I have been bought at a dreadful price. I wish to live by the grace and power which is the Spirit. And in that Spirit I will find life, true and real.

At least that is the hope. The doing is harder then the writing of these words. Which is why I have decided to take the words of Zephaniah along with Paul's. "The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save." I have to believe that this daily dying will find its joy in the might of God. I have to rest in the realization that I am a heir to that which Jesus gave up in order to save me. I must continue in this dying seeking the growth of God's identity growing within me. For it is not the identity of sin (death its true form); but rather the life of God's Spirit and the promise of sonship.